I don’t believe in divorce.
When I say that, I obviously don’t mean that I don’t believe it exists. I’m aware that most relationships in my country ultimately end up in a divorce… or two. Or three. Relationships aren’t something that are “forever” here.
For this blog post I’m going to leave out all the religious beliefs I have on divorce and totally just go with my life experiences. This is for the sanity of anyone who might stumble upon this blog and not care for the Bible bumping.
Growing up as a book-toting and romance movie consuming child, I was often plagued with the vision of a love lasting an eternity — An unconditional and pure image of fidelity and unchanging passion. This turned from something I saw in the media to something I sought out as a goal in my older life. It’s almost laughable that I managed to hold on to that goal for so long. I guess it really does show how stubborn I am and I almost pat myself on the back for how headstrong of a woman I can be… even if what I want is totally something unattainable.
All the relationships in my life have been broken or stained.
- My father cheated on my wonderful mother multiple times throughout my childhood. (I had to be the unfortunate one to discover the first time!)
- My first boyfriend had a girlfriend and I had no idea until we both were invited by his mother to his birthday.
- In the relationships following this, all my boyfriends also seemed to not be satisfied by having just one woman in their life.
- I am now married to a man who has cheated on me. I am still married.
So why don’t I divorce him? There is no point.
Despite the situations I have found myself in throughout my romantic life and despite all the (for lack of a more accurate word) shit my heart has gone through… I am living a happy life. An incredible, whole, happy life.
I made the mistake of making a man first place in my life. I’m married now… but he’s not first place in my life.
Why divorce him? There really IS NOT a point. Divorce is messy and expensive… and even if I do find another person, it will be the same thing: An imperfect relationship where at some point he will become bored of me and interested in someone else.
And… let’s face it. I can survive all of that. I can wake up the next day and still be an amazing woman. Why go through a divorce when I can just keep on with my life. He’s not a horrible person. I don’t have to go through that process just because he makes a mistake or three… or seven… or if his existence is a mistake. (Harsh. I don’t mean it.)
At the end of the day, we have great times and we learn to live with the consequences of what we do and what we go through. No matter what I go through in life, my romantic life isn’t the most important thing to me. I am a woman with dreams, goals, and a lot of hard work. It’s my life and he’s a side character. Whether or not he makes me happy 100% of the time is on him. I can be happy in other ways when he fails. I have so many more interests and hobbies than just my husband… and I’m not a low life who needs another person aside from who I married in order to be happy. I’m content with him, despite him being incredibly imperfect.
I’ve lived a life that proves to me that I can be a happy and wonderful person despite how people treat me and no matter where I am on another person’s priority list. The simple way of keeping others from hurting you is ultimately not completely caring what they think of you before you sleep at night.
So am I happily married? Yes. Because it doesn’t need to be a honeymoon every day in order for me to be happy. If you marry someone, they don’t have to be your world. You don’t need to let go of the talents you had when you were single or the hobbies that you had to express yourself. You don’t have to stay in one place — You can travel with or without him. You can sing and pray and jump and dance and live your damn life. If he happens to be a sucky character in your life story, it’s not your fault. For whatever reason of God or power of the universe or whatever you believe in… He’s the one who is supposed to be the partner for your story. Make of that as you will… You can survive it and you will be happy.